we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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