At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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