We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
