wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
