I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
