Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
