I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
