shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
