So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
