i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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