All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
