This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
