Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
