I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
