I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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