not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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