I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
