God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
