just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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