Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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