I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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