There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
