I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
