I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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