You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
