Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
