Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They took my balls.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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