And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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