Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
