i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
