Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
