I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
