I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
