is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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