I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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