do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
