As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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