dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
