I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
