Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
