a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she looked like the before picture.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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