Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
