All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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