Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
