You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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