omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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