i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
