And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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