11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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