marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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