the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
