So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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