I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize