just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He felt like a one man threesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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