God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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