the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
